Monthly Archives: December 2012

Developing ahimsa through NVC 非暴力溝通

Dear friends,

I have recenty had my first experience with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as taught by Marshall Rosenberg and I can say that both Elly and I are very excited about it!

NVC was recommended to me by Wolfgang, who said that it would help me to develop a solid ‘ahimsic’ foundation in my communication with others. To be honest, when Wolfgang suggested NVC to me I immediately had a big doubt whether NVC can be something useful to me or not. This doubt came from an observation I have made about practically every communication training that I had (directly or indirectly) encountered up to that point, namely that their result is that people communicate inauthentically because they teach us communication techniques but don’t teach us about the consciousness from which the techniques originated.

Allow me to give a simple example of this. I have a friend in my who has learned to call problems “challenges” instead of “problems”. He has developed the habit of saying “Now the challenge is…”, “The big challenge here is…” and other sentences like that. He will also correct others when they say “I have encountered a problem” and give them as the reason for the correction that it is better to say that something is a challenge than to say that it is a problem.

The ironic thing is that the he still perceives the situations that he calls challenges as problems: for him, the word “challenge” has simply become a euphemism for “problem”. When he says “We have a challenge…”, his body and presence express “We have a problem!”. What is in a way tragic about this, is that the people around him feel agitation when he says “challenge”, because they feel at a subtle level that in that moment his expression is inauthentic.

On the other hand I have met people who can say “Oh, oh! We have a problem…” and nobody around that person feels disturbed by the prospect of having to face a problem. That is because these people have changed their attitude so much that they don’t experience a problem in themselves even when the situation is very challenging.

So my question to Wolfgang was, “Is NVC just a technique or does it help me to transform myself?”. His answer was “It is a technique that helps you transform yourself, because you can only practice it when you transform yourself.” As far as I’m concerned, Wolfgang was right!

So without further ado, I share with you a three hour video in which the founder of NVC is teaching the fundamentals of it. Elly and I did not watch video in one go because that does not seem to be an effective way of absorbing this material. The video is composed of 4 parts of about 45 minutes each and each part contains some exercises related to that part. Keep a pen and paper ready!



最近,我和Marshall Rosenberg所倡導的「非暴力溝通」(Nonviolent Communication)有了第一次接觸,我和Elly對此都感到非常開心!





廢話不多說,在此和大家分享一段長約3小時的影片,非暴力溝通的創始者Marshall Rosenberg會介紹非暴力溝通的基本重點。我和Elly 並沒有一次就把這段影片看完,因為一次看完似乎不是吸收課內容的最有效方法。這段影片分為四個段落,每段約45分鐘,而且提供與該段落內容相關的練習。我建議大家準備好紙筆,開始享受影片!


Two wings to fly. 雙翅飛翔

God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.
~ Rumi

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 – This article

Last year after my silence practice, I felt like I had never felt before. My meditations were deep and powerful, my mind was calm, my energy level was high and my love for others was intense. I only had positive things to say about my practice. People were surprised when I told them that this year I experienced almost three weeks of intense mental suffering. I would like to share with you what I learned from that suffering and I hope it helps you in your meditation practices.

The two main causes of my suffering were self-condemnation and expectation. Let me try to explain how self-condemnation affected me first. One of the interesting things that I have observed in myself since beginning the practice of yoga, is a very strong idea that I need to improve myself, that I need to become perfect, so that I can experience ‘samadhi’, ‘enlightenment’ or some other over-my-head kind of thing. I do not know if that idea was there before I learned about spirituality or if the practice of yoga gave that idea a chance to manifest itself, but that is actually not so important.

What is important is that this idea of having to improve myself is based on another idea: “I am not good enough”. This idea is one of the most dangerous things I have encountered in my life. The moment that I started accepting this idea, I stopped accepting myself. Not accepting yourself is fundamentally unyogic; the first practice of yoga is the practice of ahimsa (non-violence). Practicing ahimsa means practicing love. Love means accepting all and rejecting none, that means accepting yourself as well as others.

Why does the practice of yoga begin with accepting all and rejecting none? One reason is that meditation that starts from “I am not good enough”, turns into a frantic experience of trying to become something, trying to achieve something and trying to do something. But meditation only happens when effort slowly stops and a calm, relaxed, concentrated, peaceful and joyous awareness remains. The only thing that you become when meditating from the “I am not good enough” idea is depressed and/or frustrated!

That depression and frustration is exactly what I experienced this year. And I experienced it very intensely. Even though I had already let go of a lot of my self-condemnation, that which is still present in me came forward in a very strong way.

There are two reasons that I was able to learn from my self-condemnation. One reason is that by experiencing the madness of trying to achieve something for a long period of time, I began to understand the uselessness of it. Another reason is that, whenever it was needed, Wolfgang reminded me to stop with condemning myself.

Some self-condemnation still comes up in me every now and then, but now it does not influence me as it did before. I do not know if a tidal wave of self-condemnation will rise in my mind on another occassion, but I also do not fear it.

The second cause of my suffering was my expectation. A great teacher of meditation once said that he has observed something very interesting in almost every practicioner of meditation. The first time a newcomer meditates, he has a wonderful experience, the second time he meditates, he has wonderful expectations. The point is that meditation is great the first time because there is no expectation, and the second time it is not because of expectation.

Even though I knew all of this, it still happened to me. Last year I had a wonderful experience and I expected it to be like that again this year. It was in fact worse, I was expecting it to be better! And in this way I created an experience of frustration for myself. I was not getting what I expected (and desired), so I got frustrated.

The most interesting part is that I was realising that expectation is causing problems for me, so I tried to let go of my expectation with the expectation that my meditation will improve! It shouldn’t be hard to imagine how my attempts only blew up in my face because of this.

As with the self-condemnation, I began to understand the uselessness of my expectations better by experiencing the fruits of my expectations intensely. And again, Wolfgang was there to help and remind me of the suffering I was creating for myself.

What’s more, I misunderstood my suffering as me having some sort of defect (more self-condemnation), because I thought that meditation should make me feel wonderful (expectation). A few days before my practice came to an end, I was free of this vicious circle because I realised that everything I was going through is simply a part of my development and learning process. The realisation came from that wonderful Rumi quote that you can find at the beginning of this post, I’d like to invite you to reread it. When I experienced freedom from this vicious circle, I understood the importance of mental freedom, the subject of my previous post.

With this I’d like to end the sharing of the lessons learned from silence this year. Do let me know if it the posts on my silence practice are helpful to you in any way!

~ 魯米

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 – 本文






我之所能夠從自責中學習,有兩個原因。其一,由於經歷過試著達成某件事的瘋狂狀態,我開始了解這有多麼沒有意義。另一個原因是,無論何時,只要我需要, Wolfgang(沃夫岡)總會提醒我,要我停止自責。









Sing like the birds sing. 如鳥兒般歌唱

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.
~ Rumi

Part 1
Part 2 – This article
Part 3

Dear friends,

Now I have the time to complete the sharing of the lessons learned during my silence practice this year. What I want to share on the blog here is a bit too much to share in one post, so there will be one follow-up post to this one.

The most important thing that I learned in my practice this year, is the importance of remaining mentally free. When I use the term ‘mentally free’, I do not mean something over-your-head. I mean being free from ideas of how life should be and accepting life as it presents itself to you, by remaining free from judgements and expectations. Allow me to illustrate this concept in this post, and explain how I learned about it in the next post.

I have observed that many yoga teachers and students have a very strong idea that yoga, and especially meditation, should be practiced seated on the floor in a cross-legged posture. Some will even go so far as to say that using a chair for meditation is not yoga and that it is wrong! This leads to two kinds of unnecessary suffering:

  1. Physical suffering. In our current times, we are not used to sitting on the ground and we also do not have a lot of physical exercise. The body is then not prepared to sit on the floor, and especially not for a prolonged period of time. When an unprepared body is suddenly made to assume a cross-legged posture, the body will hurt like crazy! Moreover, meditation will simply not happen when the body is suffering without reason.
  2. Mental suffering: First of all, a student will practice a cross-legged posture under the duress of his or his teacher’s idea of what yoga is. Practicing under duress disturbs meditation in a many ways, some of which are hard to notice. Secondly, since the student is not able to practice according to that idea in a comfortable way, he will slowly start to think he is a bad student. I will explain the problems of self-condemnation from my personal experience in the next post.

Being mentally free in the example I just gave means letting go of the idea that meditation should be practiced seated on the floor. Learning to sit on the ground is not essential for meditation. I do not mean to say that meditation on the floor does not have certain benefits, but the choice to learn to sit on the ground should be made

  • freely, willfully and joyfully;
  • free from self-judgements and expectations;
  • when the circumstances allow for it.

My experience is that this kind of mental freedom makes the experience of life wonderful. It does require the courage to let go of all external support, becoming self-reliant and claiming responsibility for how you feel and this is not always easy.

~ 魯米

Part 1
Part 2 – 本文
Part 3





  1. 身體折磨:在我們的時代裡,我們並不習慣於坐在地上,也沒有太多的運動。我們的身體於是尚未準備好坐在地板上,尤其無法坐上一段較長的時間。當一個沒有準備好的身體突然間被迫成盤腿坐姿時,我們的身體會痛疼得不得了!再者,當身體這樣無來由地痛苦時,我們是無法進入靜坐狀態的。
  2. 心理折磨:首先,在老師或本身對於瑜珈的概念的壓力之下,一個學生會以盤坐的姿勢練習。然而,在受迫的狀況下練習,在很多方面而言,都會干擾靜坐,有些甚至難以察覺。第二,因為學生無法根據自己對瑜珈的想法而舒服地練習,他會漸漸地認為自己是個壞學生。在下一篇文章中,我會從自己的經驗裡,分享有關自責的問題。


  • 抱持自由、自願、喜樂的態度;
  • 不帶任何評斷和期待;
  • 在情況允許之下.



15&16/02/2013 | Wake Up! Design Your Destiny!

Beste vrienden,

Met veel plezier kondig ik een workshop met Wolfgang op 15 en 16 februari in Rotterdam. Meer informatie over het onderwerp, de kosten en overige details is beschikbaar via de volgende links (Engels, Nederlands).

Ik hoop jullie te zien op de workshop!

UPDATE (20/12/2012) De locatie is gewijzigd. De workshop vindt nog steeds plaats in Rotterdam. De meest actuele informatie is (nog steeds) beschikbaar via bovenstaande links.

UPDATE (01/01/2013) Wolfgang is bereid tijd te reserveren voor het geven van initiaties. De voorlopige planning is om de initiaties op zondagochtend 17 februari te doen op dezelfde locatie als de workshop. Diegenen die graag een initiatie willen ontvangen kunnen direct contact opnemen met mij. Ik zal in overleg met Wolfgang een definitief schema maken voor de initiaties.

Het initiatieformulier en meer informatie over de initiatie is beschikbaar via de volgende links (Engels, Nederlands)

Dear friends,

I am very pleased to announce a workshop of Wolfgang on the 15th and 16th of February in Rotterdam, the Netherlands. You can find more information about the subject, costs and other details through the following links (English, Dutch).

I hope to see you there!

UPDATE (20/12/2012) The venue has changed. The workshop is still in Rotterdam. Please follow the links to find the updated venue information.

UPDATE (01/01/2013) Wolfgang is prepared to make time for initiations. For the time being the planning is to schedule the initiations at the workshop venue on Sunday morning, February the 17th. Those interested in receiving an initiation can directly contact me. I will create a final schedule for the initiations in consulation with Wolfgang.

The initiation form and more information about the initiation can be found through the following links (English, Dutch)


This will pass! 這一切會過去的!

As promised, I will complete the sharing of my experiences during my silence practice soon. I would like to tell you a story that reveals a lot about how I experienced the practice this year. It is an insightful and funny story from Zen Buddhism, told to me by Swami Veda a few years ago when I told him that my meditation is not working and once again after my practice this year!

Once it happened that a student of Zen Buddhism went to his master. He said, “Master, I really do not know what to do anymore! I have tried everything but my meditation is terrible. My body aches all over, I cannot sit still, I feel like I am being choked, I cannot focus my mind at all and there is great irritation inside me.”

The master looked at his disciple and smiled. He said, “Son. This will pass.”

A few months later the student came back to his master. This time he said, “Master! I do not know what you did last time, but since then my meditations have become serene and beautiful. My body sits still like a rock, my breath is calm, my mind is focused and my meditation goes deep, very deep. Thank you master!”

The master looked at his disciple and smiled. He said, “Son. This will pass.”







1 + 1 = 11: We are getting married! 我們要結婚了!

Dear friends,

I am very happy to announce that since Wednesday, Elly and I are engaged: we are getting married! Our families and friends have given us their blessings and support, for which we are grateful.

I would like to make use of this moment to write something about my perspective on love and relationships, because

  1. most conversations about spirituality that I have been in, are actually conversations about relationships and
  2. most people, that includes Elly and me (!), were pleasantly surprised to hear about our decision because they never thought I would want to get married.

When I observe the people around me, and the relationships that they are having with their partners, I only find very few people who seem to understand the purpose and meaning of that relationship. I believe this is the root cause for most, if not all, problems that are commonly experienced in relationships.

According to what I have seen so far, most people are directly or indirectly seeking ‘being loved’, ‘being fulfilled’, ‘being accepted’, etc. in their relationship. This is because they have entered into one

  1. because they have not learned how to enjoy aloneness and want to stop feeling lonely, and/or
  2. because the social habit of being in a relationship motivates them to engage in one, and/or
  3. due to social pressures forcing them into it.

One of the ‘secrets of life’ that I have discovered is that whatever you are seeking outside yourself, is something you haven’t found inside yourself. When you seek to be loved, you have not loved yourself. When you seek to be accepted, you have not accepted yourself. When you seek to be fulfilled, you have not found fulfilment within yourself.

I am now fully convinced that in order for a human being to be happy, he will have to find love, acceptance, fulfilment and all these within himself. Although it is definitely possible that another person leads you to the experience of love, acceptance and fulfilment, it never lasts. This is because that person cannot be around you all the time, and moreover, that person is probably also not skilled enough to express love continuously.

What you can gain in a relationship is a an enjoyable and safe environment in which love for the self and for others can be practiced. I explicitly say that love is practiced in a relationship because it is not an easy thing at all.

Love means giving the best and highest you have selflessly. In a relationship, you find all the barriers you have built within yourself against the love that rests even deeper within. You find your subtle and not-so-subtle selfishness.

Love means accepting everything and rejecting nothing. It is so easy to love the qualities of others, and it is so hard to love the limitations of others. And that is what you are confronted with in a relationship: the qualities and limitations of you and your partner.

When I see my partner, I feel inspired because of how far she already is in her practice of love. It is an inspiration to me. She gives me the space to make mistakes and learn from them and I sincerely wish that I give her that same space.

The best thing I know to say to another is not “I love you.” but “In my heart, there is a space for you where you can be yourself with all your qualities and limitations.”.

Although there is much more to say about relationships, I’d rather leave you with a saying of Swami Rama to contemplate upon. In a relationship, 1 and 1 does not make 2, but 11.




  1. 在修行中,我所經歷過的對話,大部分都與感情關係有關;
  2. 大部分的人(包括Elly和我)在得知我們要結婚後,都是既開心又驚訝,因為他們沒想過我們會想結婚。



  1. 因為他們尚未學習享受獨處,但又想停止感到寂寞;
  2. 因為擁有感情關係的社會習慣使得他們談論/展開感情;
  3. 因為社會壓力而展開一段感情。










23/12/2012 | 享受你的靜坐—如鳥兒般歌唱 Enjoy Your Meditation – Sing Like The Birds Sing


來自荷蘭的Ilyaz最近剛在Wolfgang Bischoff(沃夫剛老師)的指導下,完成為期三週的守靜,而在守靜期間,他每日進行17小時的靜坐練習。這是Ilyaz連續第二年的三週守靜練習,他很期待能夠將守靜過程中獲得的寶貴經驗,和練習靜坐的朋友們分享。

  • 我並不享受靜坐的過程,所以一點也不期待靜坐練習。我要如何才能夠享受靜坐?
  • 為什麼在靜坐後,反而比靜坐前感到疲累?可以如何改善?
  • 我的靜坐練習就像一場內心的戰爭。我要如何才能停止和自己的戰爭呢?
  • 其他人好像都能夠平和地靜坐,但在我自己的靜坐練習中,我卻無法感受平靜?我是不是哪裡做錯了呢?
  • 我原本打算進行靜坐練習,結果反而越來越煩惱。是不是我對靜坐的了解不夠呢?

時間:12月23日(日) 下午2:00~4:00
地點:台北市復興北路192號5樓之4 嚴菀華瑜珈教室
手機0953-236-606 (簡訊可)

Ilyaz has recently completed a three weeks of silence practice under the guidance of Wolfgang Bischoff, in which the intention is to practice meditation for 17 hours a day. It is the second year in a row that he has completed this practice and is now looking forward to sharing the most valuable lessons learned through this practice with other students of meditation.

This workshop will be of interest for all students of meditation, as the intention of the workshop is the analyse the problems encountered in the practice of meditation and to explore solutions for these problems. In order to get the most benefit from the workshop, participants are invited to prepare questions on their meditation practice beforehand. A few questions are given below for inspiration:

  • I do not enjoy my meditation so I do not look forward to it. How can I start enjoying my meditation more?
  • Why do I feel more tired after meditation than before meditation? What can I do about it?
  • My meditation feels like an inner battle. How do I stop fighting myself?
  • Other people seem to be meditating peacefully, but I don’t experience that in my own practice. Is there something wrong with me?
  • I intend to sit for meditation but I only end up worrying. Is there something I do not understand about meditation?